"You're not that big..."

So why is this the title of the blog?

You have no idea how many times I've heard this...and every time I heard it, I knew the person was lying (to a degree)...

I actually think that this simple statement is nothing more than the type of conditioned social response that we have been trained to give our entire lives. "You're not that big..." is a reflexive response to a fat joke that the respondent has no control over.

Sure, some people might actually mean it when they say it, but if they really stop, and think about it they'll probably come to the following conclusion. Saying these simple words defuses the socially awkward situation, but that's not all. Unfortunately it also has another side affect...it enables the behavior of the person that hears it by providing them the false sense of security they are seeking.

See, that's the only reason for a self inflicted fat joke...its simple compliment fishing...you're looking for the one person in the crowd to bail you out with a nice comment, that's it. When you get that kernel of positive reinforcement, more often than not you use it as reinforcement of your current behaviors, thus, the downward spiral continues...

For me, this was the standard response from friends and family every time I made a fat joke, and believe me I have made quite a few in my day. My wife actually got fed up with me a while back due to their frequency and pointed nature. She made a good point..."If you don't feel good about you, don't you think it makes it hard for me to feel good about you?" Hmmm...so if I hear you right, you're saying...no more self deprecating fat jokes?

Point taken.

In reality, my friends and family could have done me a huge favor by making their response to one of these barbs "yeah...no doubt, you could really stand to lose a few." Looking back about 2 years it really would have been the best thing for me to hear. Painful, but true. Short of my buddy Rob, I doubt that anyone would have had the balls. Bottom line, I guess that its just not something that you do if you expect anyone to show up at your funeral.

I tend to believe that all people are generally good, and in this case I think we always want to make people feel better about themselves even when we know in our hearts that they are fighting an uphill battle. It happens all the time, we all do it. The question is, can we find a way to deliver the message that actually needs to be heard in a way that will actually affect change? Tricky to be sure, let me know if you figure it out.

These are the types of issues and the type of questions I'll be bringing to the discussion here on the blog...

So...that's the reason for the name.

To be clear though, this blog is being put together because I feel like I need a record. A record to look back and reflect upon as I reach my goals. A record for me, my friends/family and other folks that struggle with weight and fitness to draw some sort of motivation to be better. Sure, to be healthier for their families, longevity, their kids, etc. But more importantly, to be healthier and happier for themselves.

So, to the reader, maybe there will be something in a post that inspires you to get off the couch and get moving, maybe there's something in here that inspires a new exercise regimen or diet change. Maybe I just piss you off and you're not interested in coming back...really that's all up to you. Who knows...this blog is primarily for me and if you can pull something out of it, if it causes you to respond somehow, then great, welcome aboard. I hope you enjoy it.

SRR